blocks|key|878953|text|为了推销尼尔·斯蒂芬森()的科幻惊悚片“雪崩”，我被要求写一种“良性”的电脑病毒。它将“善意”地假装接管用户的电脑，并将屏幕替换为雪，即“雪崩溃”。下雪一分钟左右，雪就会消失，取而代之的是为这本书做广告。这将是“良性的”，你看。病毒会通过正常的途径传播，但是没有人会介意，因为当你接管了他们的电脑后，“你就会得到一个有趣的广告，然后对你的电脑没有什么不好的事情感到欣慰。”|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|878954|实际上，我是在一家全球大公司被告知要这么做的。我不得不写一份备忘录，解释所有的法律，这将违反和所有可能发生的所有17件坏事，如果他们真的让我实施这一点。|entityMap^0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|E|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|F|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|D|$]]

To market Neal Stephenson's sci-fi thriller Snow Crash, I was asked to write a "benign" computer virus. It would "benignly" pretend to take over the user's computer and replace the screen with snow, a.k.a., a "snow crash." After a minute or so of snow, the snow would fade out and be replaced by an advertisement for the book. This would be "benign," you see. The virus would spread through normal means, but nobody would mind because after taking over their computer "you'd just get a fun ad and then be relieved that nothing bad happened to your computer."

I was actually told to do this at a major worldwide corporation. I had to write a memo explaining all the laws this would break and all 17 bad things that could happen if they really made me implement this.

blocks|key|879410|text|“你写的这个DLL只有17+we。你能添加一些代码使它更大吗?客户给我们很多钱，我们希望他们的钱物有所值。”|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

"This DLL you wrote is only 17kb. Can you add some code to make it bigger? The client is paying us a lot of money, and we want them to get their money's worth."

blocks|key|4619486|text|使用。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

blocks|key|878706|text|“你知道这个有20年历史的庞大Cobol程序，它包含了一堆堆硬编码业务规则，或多或少地定义了我们公司?你介意把它转换成.NET吗？”|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|878707|啊呀。|878708|几周后我们就能活下去了。|878709|祝我好运..。|entityMap^0|0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|I|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|J|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|D|3|E|5|6|7|K|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|F|3|G|5|6|7|L|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|H|$]]

"You know this enormous 20-year-old Cobol program that contains piles and piles of hard-coded business rules that more or less defines our company? Would you mind converting it to .NET?"

Yikes.

We go live in a few weeks.

Wish me luck..

blocks|key|879395|text|很多年前，我和我哥哥在一个非常著名摇滚明星的多媒体网站上工作。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|offset|length|data|879396|当客户端看到这个站点时，他注意到一些JPEG上的压缩工件，并询问它们有什么问题。我们解释说，为了带宽的目的，图像需要压缩，目前图像的压缩质量约为80%25。他生气了，说了几句话，大意是|879397|我还没有达到今天的水平，我做了80%25的事情，把它设定为100%25。|blockquote|879398|我们试着解释它会如何影响用户，但他没有。它创造了有史以来最慢的“虚拟世界”网站。这是真的发生了。|entityMap|0|LINK|mutability|MUTABLE|url|http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prince_%2528musician%2529^0|F|6|0|0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|R|8|@]|9|@$A|S|B|T|1|U]]|C|$]]|$1|D|3|E|5|6|7|V|8|@]|9|@]|C|$]]|$1|F|3|G|5|H|7|W|8|@]|9|@]|C|$]]|$1|I|3|J|5|6|7|X|8|@]|9|@]|C|$]]]|K|$L|$5|M|N|O|C|$P|Q]]]]

My brother and I were working on a multimedia heavy-website for a very <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prince_%28musician%29">famous rock star</a> many years ago. 

When the client saw the site he noticed some compression artifacts on some of the JPEGs and asked what was wrong with them. We explained that images need compression for bandwidth purposes and that the images were currently compressed at about 80% quality. He was offended and said something to the effect of 

<blockquote>
 I haven't gotten to where I am today
 by doing things at 80%, set it to
 100%.
</blockquote>

We tried to explain how it would affect users, but he would have none of it. It resulted in the slowest "virtual world" website ever. This actually happened.

blocks|key|878549|text|我们需要推迟两个星期的网站发射，因为水星正在逆行，这是一个开始新的事情的坏时机。|type|blockquote|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

<blockquote>
 We need to delay the site launch by
 two weeks because Mercury is in
 retrograde and it's a bad time to
 start new things.
</blockquote>

blocks|key|4619047|text|显然，在飞机上阅读了一些关于XML是如何成为热门新技术的商业杂志(这是2002年左右)之后，我们的一位高管问我，我们的应用程序是否使用了XML，当我拒绝时，他问我是否可以添加它。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4619048|现在，我不是在谈论以XML格式导入/导出文件的特性，他只是想让它成为体系结构的一部分，而不是因为目前它很流行，并且会给我们的应用程序增加可信度。|entityMap^0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|E|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|F|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|D|$]]

Obviously after reading some business magazine on an airplane about how XML was the hot new technology (this was circa 2002), one of our executives asked me if our application used XML, when I said no he asked me if we could add it.

Now, I'm not talking about a feature to import/export files in XML format, he simply wanted it to be part of the architecture for no reason other than it was popular at the moment and would lend credibility to our app.

blocks|key|879422|text|“现在，用户名必须是唯一的，密码不是唯一的。我们能不能换一种方式呢？”|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

"Right now, the usernames are required to be unique, and the passwords are not. Could we make it the other way around?"

blocks|key|879462|text|大约7年前，我在一家定制软件商店工作，决定销售其中一款产品。对于某些行业来说，这是一套端到端的操作套件。嗯，这个行业并不是以超级科技闻名，所以我们最终为他们的服务器和IT基础设施提供了第三方技术支持，而不是把它培育给独立的小型企业it顾问。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|879463|有一天，客户的服务器遇到磁盘损坏。我们出售它们的服务器配置了一个Adaptec控制器，该控制器是为RAID+1镜像设置的。他们的应用数据库已经告一段落了。他们已经好几个月没做备份了。他们所做的备份是不可用的。他们最终失去了8个月的数据。他们聘请了一名IT顾问来处理这项调查工作。|879464|电话接踵而至，销售经理(以承诺不可能的功能而闻名)显然告诉他们它会被处理，并在一份合同中记录下来。|879465|销售经理向客户保证，如果文件被认为是损坏的，我们将确保应用程序数据库和任何其他与应用程序相关的文件永远不会被RAID控制器复制。也不应该需要配置。是啊。我们被告知在2周内交付此功能，否则客户将解雇我们。|879466|所以这个项目经理--他有一些大型的企业客户关系管理产品和其他重大的开发成功，都在他的掌控之下--我和首席运营官以及销售经理举行了一次会议。项目经理详细描述了这是多么疯狂、不可能和疯狂的不可能。销售经理(军事背景)只会对着他的脸尖叫(字面意思是！)：“我不在乎！如果突袭的事情没有搞砸的话，让突袭的东西不被袭击又有多难呢？！如果突袭的事情没有搞砸的话，他们在另一个驱动器上的数据就会很好！”|879467|在那次会议结束时，项目经理带着零日通知辞职了.所以我现在被赋予了这个任务。在接下来的一周里，我请求Adaptec和LSI逻辑公司为一个电话会议提供一名工程师，只是嘲笑销售经理。|879468|最终，他们同意了，并坚持他们的交易结束。他们详细介绍了这是多么荒谬的不可行。这个来自LSI的家伙特别严厉--他什么都没穿。|879469|我不需要实现这个特性。我必须实现的一种是客户请求的自定义安全方案，它允许他们在控件的基础上切换应用程序的任何控件，如可见的、禁用的、启用的、只读的或读写的。理论上，有146,000种组合。如果你不小心搞砸了.禁用控制组，可能会产生意外的副作用。不用说，当我接到必须实施的最后通牒时，我也以一天的通知辞职了。|entityMap^0|0|0|0|0|0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|Q|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|R|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|D|3|E|5|6|7|S|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|F|3|G|5|6|7|T|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|H|3|I|5|6|7|U|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|J|3|K|5|6|7|V|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|L|3|M|5|6|7|W|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|N|3|O|5|6|7|X|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|P|$]]

About 7 years ago I worked at a bespoke software shop that decided to sell one of its products. It was an end-to-end operations suite for some industry. Well, this industry wasn't known for being super technological, so somehow we ended up providing third-party technical support for their servers and IT infrastructure instead of farming it out to independent small business IT consultants.

One day, a customer's server encountered disk corruption. The server we had sold them was configured with an Adaptec RAID controller, set up for a RAID 1 mirror. Their application database was toast. They hadn't performed backups in months. The backups they had performed were unusable. They ended up losing 8 months of data. They hired an IT consultant to handle this investigative work.

Phone calls ensued, and the sales manager (known for promising impossible features) apparently told them it would be taken care of, and wrote it up in a contract.

The sales manager promised the customer that we would ensure that the application database and any other application-related files would never be replicated by RAID controllers if the files were considered to be corrupt. No configuration should be necessary either. Yep. We were told to deliver this functionality in 2 weeks, or the customer would fire us.

So the program manager -- who had some large enterprise CRM products, and other serious development successes, under his belt -- and I had a meeting with the COO, and the sales manager. The program manager was detailing how insane, impossible, and insanely impossible this was. The sales manager (military background) would simply scream in his face (literally!), "I don't care! How hard can it be to make the RAID thing not RAID?! Their data would be fine on the other drive if the RAID thing hadn't screwed it up!"

At the end of that meeting, the program manager quit with a zero-day notice. So I was now tasked with this. Over the next week, I petitioned both Adaptec and LSI Logic to provide an engineer for a conference call, simply to laugh in the face of the sales manager.

Ultimately, they obliged, and held up their end of the bargain. And they went into detail how ridiculously unfeasible it was. The guy from LSI was particularly harsh - he didn't sugar coat anything. 

I didn't have to implement the feature. One I did have to implement was a custom security scheme requested by a customer, that would allow them to toggle any of the application's controls - on a control by control basis - as visible, disabled, enabled, read-only, or read-write. In theory, there were 146,000 combinations. And if you accidentally screwed up by say... disabling a control group, you'd have inadvertent side effects. Needless to say, when I was given the ultimatum that it had to be implemented, I also quit with a zero-day notice.

blocks|key|4619217|text|他们让我搜索一个商业产品，它可以自动找到并修复源代码错误。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4619218|4619219|searching..since+2001+:)。|entityMap^0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|F|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|-4|5|6|7|G|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|C|3|D|5|6|7|H|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|E|$]]

They asked me to search a Commercial Product that could find and fix source code bugs automagically. 
Still searching..since 2001 :).

blocks|key|4620045|text|我曾经有过一个客户端规范，它确实需要能够在时间上向后移动的代码。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4620046|我的雇主为客户获取数据，我们在上午9点到下午5点之间每隔10分钟以文件格式X交付数据，但最后交付的时间是Y格式(只有X有不同的页脚)。我就是这么做的..。他们吓坏了。我们收集的是低容量的数据，每一天都只有一两个数据点。|4620047|“别再用空文件乱发垃圾邮件了！”他们哭了。“每隔十分钟五公里|4620048|好吧。所以，我的代码每十分钟检查一次，只有在有什么东西要交付的情况下才交付。当然可以。|4620049|“但是最后一个文件必须是Y格式的！”他们尖叫着。“现代科技迷惑了我们，激怒了我们！否则我们会用乳齿象打你的！”|4620050|(*+-我可能记错了谈话的部分。)|4620051|“所以，只有在有新的数据需要传送的情况下，我才能传递文件。”|4620052|“是的”|4620053|“当天的最终交付应该是一种不同的文件格式。”|4620054|4620055|“除了我无法知道哪一份文件是一天中的最后一份，直到一天结束。”|4620056|4620057|“因此，我实现这一点的唯一方法是编写一段时间倒流的代码，在一天结束时重做最终交付的格式。”|4620058|“你能让IT报告体育成绩吗?我们回到了未来。比夫·坦宁让我们感到高兴。”|4620059|我拒绝了，部分原因是违反因果关系是一种不道德的编程实践，部分原因是CPAN.org没有允许我这么做的模块。(我查过了。)最后，他们允许我在一天结束时发送一个Y格式的文件，不管它是否有任何实际数据。我很确定他们的带宽挺过了这一关。|entityMap^0|0|0|0|0|0|0|0|0|0|0|0|0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|12|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|13|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|D|3|E|5|6|7|14|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|F|3|G|5|6|7|15|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|H|3|I|5|6|7|16|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|J|3|K|5|6|7|17|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|L|3|M|5|6|7|18|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|N|3|O|5|6|7|19|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|P|3|Q|5|6|7|1A|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|R|3|O|5|6|7|1B|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|S|3|T|5|6|7|1C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|U|3|O|5|6|7|1D|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|V|3|W|5|6|7|1E|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|X|3|Y|5|6|7|1F|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|Z|3|10|5|6|7|1G|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|11|$]]

I once had a client specification that literally called for code capable of traveling backwards in time.

My employer harvested data for the client, and we were to deliver it in file format X at ten-minute intervals between 9 AM and 5 PM, save for the final delivery, which was in format Y (just X with a different footer). I did just that ... and they freaked. We were collecting low-volume data, and really only had one or two data points to deliver on any given day.

"QUIT SPAMMING US WITH EMPTY FILES!!!" they cried. "FIVE K'S EVERY TEN MINUTES ENCLOGULATES OUR BANDTUBES!"

Okay. So, my code checked every ten minutes, and only delivered if there was anything to deliver. Fair enough.

"BUT THE LAST FILE MUST BE IN FORMAT Y!!!" they screamed. "MODERN TECHNOLOGY CONFUSES AND ANGERS US! FIX IT OR WE WILL BEAT YOU WITH A MASTODON FEMUR!*"

(* -- It is possible I'm misremembering portions of the conversation.)

"So, I'm only to deliver the file if there's fresh data to deliver."

"YES."

"And the final delivery for the day is supposed to be a different file format."

"YES."

"Except I have no way of knowing which file will be the last of the day until the end of the day."

"YES."

"So the only way for me to implement this is to write code that goes backwards in time at the end of the day to redo the format on what turned out to be the final delivery."

"COULD YOU HAVE IT REPORT SPORTS SCORES? WE SAW BACK TO THE FUTURE II. BIFF TANNEN MAKES US HAPPY."

I refused, in part because violating causality is an unethical programming practice, in part because CPAN.org didn't have a module that would let me do it. (I checked.) In the end, they allowed me to send a file in format Y at the end of the day, regardless of whether or not it had any actual data. I'm pretty sure their bandwidth survived the hit.

blocks|key|4619461|text|没有任何明显的原因，我被带到一个私人会议，并告诉我不要检查我的电脑是否被监控-包括，从来没有检查我的任务经理出于任何原因。我问他们是否在监视我的电脑，他们(粗略地)说“这只是一件预防性的事情--你知道，我们的律师让我们把这件事告诉员工--但是你知道，我们不能说--但我现在没有监控它。”|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4619462|(轻推，我想他们在监视我的电脑，只是他们告诉我不要去找任何监控程序。)事实上，几周后，我很早就来了，就像遥控器一样看着鼠标在我的屏幕上移动--所以我透过CEO的窗户，看到他在他的笔记本电脑上远程点击我的电脑。)|entityMap^0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|E|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|F|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|D|$]]

Without any discernable cause, I was brought into a private meeting, and told not to check if my computer was being monitored - including, never ever checking my task manager for any reason. I asked if they were monitoring my computer, and was told (roughly) "this is just a preventative thing -- you know, our lawyer told us to tell the employees about this -- but you know, we can't really say -- but I'm not monitoring it now."

(nudge, I think they were monitoring my computer, just not while they were telling me not to look for any monitoring programs. In fact, a few weeks later, I came in early and literally watched the mouse moving around my screen as if by remote -- so I looked through the window of the CEO and saw him remotely clicking around on my computer from his laptop.)

blocks|key|879005|text|有一次，我和一个尖头老板进行了长时间的“讨论”，他坚持说我们可以在一个小数据类型中存储一个2，因为它“只有一位数”。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|offset|length|data|entityMap|0|LINK|mutability|MUTABLE|url|http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pointy-haired_Boss^0|8|4|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|K|8|@]|9|@$A|L|B|M|1|N]]|C|$]]]|D|$E|$5|F|G|H|C|$I|J]]]]

I once had a long "discussion" with a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pointy-haired_Boss">pointy-haired boss</a> who insisted that we could store a 2 in a bit datatype because it was "only one digit."

blocks|key|4619019|text|我被要求做的最愚蠢的事情可能是重写一个非常大的项目。它大约是350+k行，所有C(为‘助手’脚本混合了一个小小的perl+)，并且不管客户端对它做了什么，都工作得很好。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4619020|差不多一年后，我们有：|4619021|很多函数基本上都和旧的函数一样|unordered-list-item|4619022|在速度和功能上没有真正的改进|4619023|稍微小一点的内存占用|4619024|大得多的可执行文件|4619025|恼怒的客户|4619026|基本上，我们所做的一切都是理智的重构所无法完成的。但我老板很高兴，我们摆脱了帮助者的剧本。|4619027|我认为这是我所见过的最严重的浪费时间和现有代码的行为。|entityMap^0|0|0|0|0|0|0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|T|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|U|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|D|3|E|5|F|7|V|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|G|3|H|5|F|7|W|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|I|3|J|5|F|7|X|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|K|3|L|5|F|7|Y|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|M|3|N|5|F|7|Z|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|O|3|P|5|6|7|10|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|Q|3|R|5|6|7|11|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|S|$]]

The stupidest thing I've been asked to do is probably a ground up rewrite of a very large project. It was about 350k lines, all C (with a little perl mixed in for 'helper' scripts) and worked well no matter what clients did to it.

Almost a year later, we had:

<ul>
<li>Lots of functions that basically did the same thing as the old functions</li>
<li>No real improvements in speed or functionality</li>
<li>A slightly smaller memory footprint</li>
<li>A much larger executable</li>
<li>Annoyed clients</li>
</ul>

Basically, we accomplished nothing that sensible refactoring could not have accomplished. But my boss was happy, we got rid of the helper scripts.

I consider it to be the most egregious waste of time and existing code that I've ever seen.

blocks|key|879364|text|Client:我们已经使用您的数据库软件几年了，用它开发我们自己的应用程序，并不时给您打电话寻求帮助。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|879365|我:是的，我们很感激和你做生意。|879366|客户:是啊。每次我们打电话时，您都会告诉我们如何使用新特性，或者帮助我们调试我们的用法，或者为某些问题提供解决办法。|879367|我:当然，我们总是很乐意帮忙。|879368|客户:偶尔，你的产品有一个实际的错误，你的公司修复它，并给我们一个软件更新。|879369|我:我们尽力了。|879370|客户:好吧，我们现在需要的是保证我们不会再有任何问题了。|879371|我：。。。|entityMap^0|0|0|0|0|0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|Q|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|R|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|D|3|E|5|6|7|S|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|F|3|G|5|6|7|T|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|H|3|I|5|6|7|U|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|J|3|K|5|6|7|V|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|L|3|M|5|6|7|W|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|N|3|O|5|6|7|X|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|P|$]]

Client: We've been using your database software for a couple of years, developing our own applications with it, and calling you from time to time for help.

Me: Yes, we appreciate doing business with you.

Client: Yeah. Every time we call, you tell us how to use a new feature, or you help us debug our usage, or provide a workaround for some issue.

Me: Sure, we're always happy to be of assistance.

Client: Occasionally, your product has an actual bug in it, and your company fixes it and gives us a software update.

Me: We do our best.

Client: Well, what we need from you now is some assurance that we won't have any more issues.

Me: . . .

blocks|key|4619592|text|我被要求在向一位主要的跨国潜在客户介绍我们的软件时，我们使用了“意大利面编码”编码技术。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4619593|当然，我们在意大利..。听起来不错。|entityMap^0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|E|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|F|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|D|$]]

I have been asked to write in a presentation of our software to a major multinational potential customer that we used "spaghetti code" coding technique.

Of course, we're in Italy... sounds good.

blocks|key|4620176|text|免费做一些工作。|type|header-two|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

Do some work for free.

blocks|key|878793|text|更改语法高亮显示颜色以与版本控制系统中使用的颜色匹配。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

Changing my syntax highlighting colors to match the ones used in the version control system.

blocks|key|878605|text|让我们看看：|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|878606|用C%2B%2B编写程序|878607|如果不使用版本控制，|ordered-list-item|878608|没有重构，|878609|没有助推，|878610|有限的STL+(我在这次辩论中获胜)，|878611|使用未经验证的分包商库，|878612|没有内存分析器(帮助修复分包商的工作)，|878613|没有单元测试，|878614|坚持三个字母名称的成员函数名称，|878615|没有测试环境(VM也不允许)，只需推动生产。|entityMap^0|0|0|0|0|0|0|0|0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|X|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|Y|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|D|3|E|5|F|7|Z|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|G|3|H|5|F|7|10|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|I|3|J|5|F|7|11|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|K|3|L|5|F|7|12|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|M|3|N|5|F|7|13|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|O|3|P|5|F|7|14|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|Q|3|R|5|F|7|15|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|S|3|T|5|F|7|16|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|U|3|V|5|F|7|17|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|W|$]]

Let's see:

Write programs in C++ 

<ol>
<li>without the use of version control, </li>
<li>no refactoring, </li>
<li>no Boost, </li>
<li>limited STL (I argued and won on this one), </li>
<li>use unverified subcontractor libraries, </li>
<li>without a memory profiler (to help fix subcontractor work), </li>
<li>no unit testing, </li>
<li>stick to 3 letter names for member function names, </li>
<li>no test environment (VM not allowed either) just push to production</li>
</ol>

blocks|key|879268|text|你能把我让你准备的10页的报告作为一个文字文档，并把它写成一个powerpoint演示文稿，因为我真的是一个视觉思考者，不会读我让你做的书面报告吗？|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

Can you take this 10-page report that I asked you to prepare as a word document and make it into a powerpoint presentation because I am really a visual thinker and won't actually read the written report I asked you to make?

blocks|key|879300|text|好的，我要你扫描这张房子的照片，当我回来的时候，你应该能给我看它后面的部分。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

Ok, I want you to scan this picture of a house, when I come back, you should be able to show me the back portion of it.

blocks|key|4619727|text|“我不喜欢Oracle数据库的工作方式。为什么我们不直接编写自己的数据库呢？”|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4619728|(诚然，这是15年前的事了，但仍然如此！)|entityMap^0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|E|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|F|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|D|$]]

"I don't like the way this Oracle database works. Why don't we just write our own database?"

(Admittedly, this was over 15 years ago, but still!)

blocks|key|4619795|text|我被要求从竞争对手的网站加载文章，在一个iframe，将在我们的网站的皮肤内，使它看起来像是来自我们。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

I was asked to load articles from a competitor's website inside an iframe that would be inside our website's skin, making it look like it came from us.

blocks|key|878751|text|对我来说，最疯狂的(也很可能是最有趣的)是|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|878752|看到这一千万行代码(过时的网络技术)吗？编写编译器将其转换为工作的Asp.net站点。|blockquote|878753|它从来没有说出一个有效的版本(当然，我试图告诉他们这是不切实际的)，但无论如何都很有趣。|entityMap^0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|H|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|D|7|I|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|E|3|F|5|6|7|J|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|G|$]]

For me, the craziest (and quite possibly, funnest) was

<blockquote>
 See this 10 million lines of code in (out-dated web technology)? Write
 a compiler to convert it to a working Asp.net site.
</blockquote>

It never spit out a working version (of course, I tried to tell them it was impractical), but it was fun anyways.

blocks|key|4619156|text|我们公司开发的应用程序的一个主要特点是能够通过文档的全文搜索大量的文档。一位竞争对手在向我们的一位客户进行营销演示时提出了以下声明，|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4619157|我们的搜索技术很好，因为它不仅搜索文档的文本，还以二进制形式搜索实际文件的“位和字节”。|blockquote|4619158|他们给出了一个可笑的例子，当你比较表示法中的实际数字时，用十进制的ascii来表示"boot“和”boot“这两个词的意思要比二进制形式中的相同词少得多。因此，基于1's和0's的搜索更准确地反映了这两个词在视觉上的相似程度，从而提高了回忆能力。|4619159|当然，我的任务是研究这一技术，我认为这是一个营销人员完全误解了某个程序员的结果，并起草了一个我们可以在我们的建议中包含的回应。|entityMap^0|0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|J|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|D|7|K|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|E|3|F|5|6|7|L|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|G|3|H|5|6|7|M|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|I|$]]

One major feature of an application our company developed was the ability to search large amounts of documents by the full-text of the document. A competitor made the following claim in a marketing presentation to one of our clients, 

<blockquote>
 Our search technology is superior because it doesn't just search the text of the documents,
 it also searches the 'bits and bytes' of the actual file in binary form.
</blockquote>

They gave a ridiculous example of how the decimal ascii repersentations of the words "boot" and "boat" were much less similar than the same words in binary form, when you compared the actual numeric digits in the representation. So searching based on the 1's and 0's more accurately reflected how similar those two words appeared visually, and thus improved recall.

Naturally I was tasked with researching this technique, which I assume was the result of a marketing guy completely misunderstanding a programmer somewhere, and drafting a response that we could include in our proposal.

blocks|key|878781|text|您能为我们的新外事办事处编写一个简单的时间输入和记帐系统吗？|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

Can you write a simple time entry and billing system for our new foreign office that uses a different language, currency and tax laws?

blocks|key|4619878|text|一小群程序员，老板想让我们为一家小型航空公司做机票预订系统(当然，在很短的时间内)。小组说：|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4619879|--正如你可以想象的那样，我们需要一些测试人员来完成这个项目|4619880|老板说：|4619881|-别担心，向汽车业学习他们不时地召回汽车:用户会做测试。|entityMap^0|0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|I|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|J|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|D|3|E|5|6|7|K|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|F|3|G|5|6|7|L|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|H|$]]

Small team of programmers, boss wants us to do a ticket reservation system for a small airline (in a very short timeframe, of course). Team says:

-- as you can imagine, we will need some testers for this project

Boss says:

-- don't worry, learn from the car industry. They recall cars from time to time: users will do the testing.

blocks|key|879504|text|我是一个大型机支持团队的一员，该团队与数据中心中的其他支持团队轮班。换班后，我们通常会与经理和下一班的团队进行简报。有一天，我们的新主管出现了，并问了一个问题：“为什么你换班期间的平均CPU负荷只有72%25，而前一班的CPU负荷接近95%25呢?我想如果我们真的努力，我们最终可以达到100%25的CPU负载！”|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

I was a part of a mainframe support team that did shifts with other support teams in a data center. After the shift we would usually have a briefing with managers and the team of the next shift. One day our new director showed up and asked the question: "Why average CPU load during your shift was only 72%, while previous shift shows near 95%? I think if we try real hard, we could eventually achieve 100% CPU load!"

blocks|key|879324|text|大约12年前，当我上大学的时候，我为Windows开发了一个数据建模应用程序。这个项目几乎完成了大约60,000行Win32代码，你知道，针对Windows的代码。然后客户端说应用程序也需要“在网络上”运行。她很难理解这个“微小的”需求变更如何会对项目产生如此大的影响。我在Java中从头开始，但在项目完成之前就放弃了。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

About 12 years ago when I was in college I worked on a data modelling application for Windows. The project was nearly complete after about 60,000 lines of Win32 code, you know, code targeting the Windows platform. Then the client said the application also needs to run "on the web". She had a hard time understanding how this one "minor little" requirements change could have such a big impact on the project. I started over from scratch in Java but ended up quiting the project before it was ever finished.

blocks|key|4619835|text|我在1996年做了一个大型项目，当时我们正在进行现场体育比赛。这次谈话发生了：|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4619836|老板:出去参加下一次活动的场地。|4619837|我:你需要我做什么？|4619838|老板:在那里以防万一。|4619839|我:以防万一？|4619840|老板:万一技术主管失去了它。他压力太大了，我不知道他会怎么做。|4619841|我:如果他输了，你想让我怎么做？|4619842|老板:把他弄出去，让其他人都能继续工作。我不在乎你是怎么做的。|entityMap^0|0|0|0|0|0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|Q|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|R|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|D|3|E|5|6|7|S|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|F|3|G|5|6|7|T|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|H|3|I|5|6|7|U|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|J|3|K|5|6|7|V|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|L|3|M|5|6|7|W|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|N|3|O|5|6|7|X|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|P|$]]

I was working on a big project in 1996 where we were scoring live sporting events. This conversation happened:

Boss: Go out to the venue for the next event.

Me: What do you need me to do.

Boss: Be there just in case.

Me: Just in case what?

Boss: In case the tech lead loses it. He's way too stressed out and I don't know what he 
might do.

Me: And if he loses it, what do you want me to do?

Boss: Just get him out of there so everyone else can continue working. I don't care how you do it.

blocks|key|4619897|text|第一周-为两个不同的客户端设置单独的代码基线(是的，两个不同客户端的两个相同代码副本)|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4619898|第二周(另一个老板)-不合并这两种代码，并在每一页上添加IF+-+Else条件。|entityMap^0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|E|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|F|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|D|$]]

First week - Have separate code base line for 2 different client (yes two copy of same code for 2 different client )

Second week (another boss) - No merge both codes and put IF - Else condition on every page

blocks|key|878904|text|就在上周，有人让我对现有的DLL做一个简单的更改(左边是带前导零的数值)。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|878905|它是一个COM+DLL，最初是用VB+6编写的--源代码很久以前就丢失了--它与一些外部硬件(接口未知)接口，其功能是从网页上的Active+X控件调用的(接口也是未知的)。|878906|我只花了一周的时间就在办公室里睡了两次。|878907|但我把它做好了，从昨天起它就在现场直播了--工作。|878908|当然，这是一个政府项目。|entityMap^0|0|0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|K|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|L|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|D|3|E|5|6|7|M|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|F|3|G|5|6|7|N|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|H|3|I|5|6|7|O|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|J|$]]

Just last week someone asked me to make a simple change to an existing DLL (left pad a numerical value with leading zeros). 

It was a COM DLL, originally coded in VB 6 - source code long since lost - which interfaced on one side with some external hardware (interface unknown) and whose functions were called from an Active X control on a web page (interface, again, unknown).

It only took me a week and I only slept overnight on the office floor twice.

But I got it done and it is live in the field as of yesterday - working.

Punchline - it was a government project, of course.

blocks|key|879177|text|我正在ASP.NET中开发一个web项目，该项目将取代现有的PHP解决方案。PHP站点还不错，只是有点过时，所以新项目是使用一个新的平台来升级它。首先要做的是通过拥有IIS和MSSQL服务器以及源代码管理系统来设置新的基础结构。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|879178|在创建新项目的几周后，项目经理对部署过程感到不满，这个过程涉及到获得最新版本的代码，然后将构建部署到测试环境中。他认为这很费时，让人们在相同的代码基础上工作，不得不以错误的方式合并他们的更改。|879179|他的解决方案是，我们回到做事情的“老方法”：在没有源代码控制或部署策略的情况下，实时地在生产服务器上编写PHP。通过这种方式，您可以获得即时的结果，并且不需要设置源代码管理或其他服务器。不用说，事情并不顺利。:)|entityMap^0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|G|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|H|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|D|3|E|5|6|7|I|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|F|$]]

I was working on a web project in ASP.NET which was to replace an existing PHP solution. The PHP site wasn't bad, just a little outdated so the new project was to upgrade it using a new platform. The first thing to do was setup the new infrastructure by having IIS and MSSQL servers as well as a source control system.

A few weeks into creating the new project the project manager became unhappy with the deployment process which involved getting the latest version of the code, then deploying a build to the test environment. He felt that this was time consuming and that having people work on the same code base and having to merge their changes the wrong way to do things.

His solution was that we go back to the "old way" of doing things: writing PHP on the production server in real time with no source control or deployment strategy. This way you could have instant results and it didn't involve setting up source control or other servers. Needless to say things did not go well. :)

blocks|key|4619854|text|穿卡其布和马球衫。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

blocks|key|4620425|text|早在上世纪90年代中期，我曾在ISP工作过，老板是我们当地警察和治安官的朋友。他们有兴趣抓到证券欺诈。所以我老板想出了一个计划：|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4620426|编写一个程序来扫描网站，寻找证券欺诈的证据。这就是：|4620427|从IP地址0.0.0.1开始|unordered-list-item|4620428|完:255.255.254|4620429|扫描在每个IP上找到的每一个网页|4620430|当时几乎所有的web服务器都有一个独特的面向公共的IP，而虚拟主机并不存在，所以从技术上讲，这是可行的。这也是在1.5Mbps的T1非常非常快的时候。|4620431|问题出在哪里？即使我们每秒能扫描10个if，整个工作也需要近5000天才能完成。是的，如果我们完成这样一个项目，它现在就完成了对整个互联网的第一次扫描。|entityMap^0|0|0|0|0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|P|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|Q|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|D|3|E|5|F|7|R|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|G|3|H|5|F|7|S|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|I|3|J|5|F|7|T|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|K|3|L|5|6|7|U|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|M|3|N|5|6|7|V|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|O|$]]

At the ISP I worked for back in the mid 1990s, the boss was friends with officers from our local police and sheriff stations. They were interested in catching securities fraud. So my boss hatches a plan:

Write a program to scan websites for evidence of securities fraud. That is:

<ul>
<li>Start with IP address 0.0.0.1</li>
<li>End at 255.255.255.254</li>
<li>Scan every web page you find at each IP</li>
</ul>

This was back when pretty much every web server had a unique public-facing IP and virtual hosts didn't exist, so technically it was feasible. This was also back when a 1.5Mbps T-1 was really, really fast.

The problem? Even if we could scan ten IPs per second, the entire job would take almost 5,000 days to complete. Yep, had we gone through with such a program, it would be just now finishing its first scan of the entire Internet.

blocks|key|879524|text|嗯，这一次我出价一个自由职业反向工程工作，但却发现，他们真的很想让我能够改变过去。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

Well, this one time I bid on a freelance reverse engineering job, only to discover that they quite literally wanted me to be able to change the past.

blocks|key|4620161|text|我工作的上一家公司(后来破产了)对该产品做了一些不好的评价。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4620162|因此，这个决定是由高层管理层做出的，不是解决问题，而是重塑产品的品牌并重新推出它。包括虫子在内。|4620163|另一件让人很难接受的事情是，品牌的重新命名只不过是一个名字的改变，这意味着应用程序中大约有3个图像交换和几个字符串替换。这个应用程序看起来一样，行为相同，崩溃也一样。|4620164|不能说我很惊讶公司没能坚持到底。|entityMap^0|0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|I|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|J|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|D|3|E|5|6|7|K|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|F|3|G|5|6|7|L|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|H|$]]

The last company that I worked for (and went bust) got a few bad reviews of the product.

So the decision was made by the upper management not to fix the problems but instead rebrand the product and relaunch it. Bugs included.

The other thing that made it really hard to stomach was the fact that the rebranding consisted of nothing more than a name change, which meant about 3 image swap-outs within the app and a few string replacements. The app looked the same, behaved the same, crashed the same.

Can't say I'm surprised the company didn't last.

blocks|key|4620244|text|“是否有办法使条形码出现在屏幕上，以便用户可以将它们扫描到计算机中？”|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

"Is there a way to make bar codes appear on the screen so that the user can scan them into the computer?"

blocks|key|879774|text|问题是在Bold，它需要建立起来。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|879775|Client：“您需要针对我们流行的Web应用程序使用RFT编写自动测试”|879776|我：“好的，它是在什么环境下部署的？”|879777|Client：“它部署在QA中，但您没有访问它的权限”|879778|我：“伊克斯”|879779|Client：“您能在没有应用程序的情况下完成自动化测试吗？”|879780|我(在我心目中)：“我可以，如果我是超人或查克诺里斯”|entityMap^0|0|0|0|0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|O|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|P|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|D|3|E|5|6|7|Q|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|F|3|G|5|6|7|R|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|H|3|I|5|6|7|S|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|J|3|K|5|6|7|T|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|L|3|M|5|6|7|U|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|N|$]]

The question is in Bold, It needed a build up.

Client: "You need to write Automated tests using RFT against our popular Web application"

Me: "Okay, in which environment is it deployed?"

Client: "It is deployed in QA but you don't have permission to access it"

Me: "Yikes"

Client: "Can you somehow finish writing the Automated tests without the application?"

Me (in my mind): "I could, if I was superman or Chuck Norris"

blocks|key|880002|text|我被要求写一份报告来显示未来的所有销售和开支，这是我们帐户系统的一个Nostradamus模块:他非常严肃，这不是一个预测，而是一个实际值。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

I was asked to write a report to show all sales and expenses for the future, a Nostradamus module for our accounts system :P He was very serious, it was not supposed to be a prediction but the actual values.

blocks|key|879481|text|我们把产品发布日期推迟了一周，这样我们就可以在赛季开始前及时让内部公司的小费竞争系统运行起来……|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

We had a product release date pushed back a week so we could get the internal company footy tipping competition system running in time for the start of season...

blocks|key|4620106|text|在2003年，我们是两个开发人员和一个设计师.|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4620107|我希望你们做一个图像服务器应用程序，在那里你可以拖动‘n’放下图片上传他们，没有任何扩展在浏览器和它必须在所有的平台上工作。|blockquote|4620108|说实话，我们都看了他一眼，说了几句|4620109|如果我们知道怎么做，我们现在就不会坐在你们公司的这些椅子上。|entityMap^0|0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|J|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|D|7|K|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|E|3|F|5|6|7|L|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|G|3|H|5|D|7|M|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|I|$]]

Back in 2003 we were two developers and a designer that got this...

<blockquote>
 I want you guys to do an imageserver application where you can just drag'n'drop images to upload them, without any extensions in the browser and it have to work on all platforms.
</blockquote>

Truth be told we all looked at him and said something along the lines of

<blockquote>
 If we knew how to do that, we wouldn't sit in these chairs in your company right now.
</blockquote>

blocks|key|4620490|text|我的老板曾经对我说，谷歌的搜索结果都是按照出价最高的人排序的。他断然拒绝相信谷歌试图通过对用户有用性来排序其结果。我试图用简单的逻辑来解释，像这样的系统会导致最糟糕的互联网搜索引擎无法使用。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4620491|事实上，他争论得很激烈，我敢肯定他只是向客户保证“如果他们愿意付钱的话，谷歌的第一名”.但我不想再打回来看上去像个白痴。|4620492|*叹息*|entityMap^0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|G|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|H|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|D|3|E|5|6|7|I|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|F|$]]

My boss once insisted to me that Google's search results were all sorted by the highest bidder. He flatly refused to believe that Google tried to order its results by usefulness to the user. I tried to explain with simple logic that a system like that would result in the worst internet search engine imaginable to no avail.

In fact, he argued so vehemently that I'm pretty sure he'd just promised the client "the number one spot on Google if they were prepared to pay"... but didn't want to have to call back and look like an idiot.

*sigh*

blocks|key|879859|text|老板:我觉得你每天上午11点进来很恶心。我要你早上8点到这里来，帮助数据输入者解决任何问题，并留下来帮助开发团队。当他们晚上7点回家，你可以开始上传更改到网站。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|879860|当然，由于这些网站的安全(制药公司)，我们只能有一个连接从我们的IP地址到他们的服务器，我有24个网站上传。我是上午11点来的，因为我一直呆在办公室直到凌晨3点或4点上传网站。|879861|之后不久我就离开了。|entityMap^0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|G|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|H|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|D|3|E|5|6|7|I|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|F|$]]

Boss: I find it disgusting that you come in at 11am every day. I want you here at 8am, to help the data in-putters with any problems, and stay and help the dev team. When they go home at 7pm, you can start uploading changes to the sites.

Ofcourse, because of the ubersecurity for these sites (pharmaceutical company), we can only have one connection from our IP address to their servers, and I had 24 sites to upload. I was coming in at 11am because id be in the office till 3 or 4am uploading sites.

I left very shortly after.

blocks|key|4619231|text|在周末学习一门全新的编程语言。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

To learn a whole new programming language over the weekend.

blocks|key|879721|text|你能增加一些后处理，这样红部分的灰阶图像被强调更多的绿色和蓝色部分？|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

Can you add some post-processing so that the red part of this greyscale image is emphasised more than the green and blue parts?

blocks|key|4620317|text|我向$Deity发誓，一个客户曾经要求我将(a%2Bb)*0.5改为(a%2Bb)/2|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

i swear to $Deity that a client once asked me to change (a+b)*0.5 to (a+b)/2

blocks|key|4619952|text|有人要求我创建一个网站，“复制的功能，并将其数据与来自数据库的其他信息合并”。我在纸上画了些东西，顾客说没问题，我向他收取了700英镑(1000美元)的5天工作费用。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4619953|我在三个晚上开发了它并交付了它。我为自己写的东西感到骄傲，直到顾客说：“这几乎没问题。你为什么要使用googlemaps+rubygem?我让你复制，而不是使用。”|4619954|PHB。|entityMap^0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|G|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|H|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|D|3|E|5|6|7|I|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|F|$]]

Someone asked me to create a website which "copies what Google Local Search does and merges its data with other information coming from a database". I drew something in paper and the customer said it was ok; I charged him with 700 pounds (1000 US dollars) for a 5-days job.

I developed it in 3 nights and delivered it. I was proud of what I wrote until the customer said "It's almost ok. Why are you using the googlemaps rubygem? I asked you to copy, not to use"

PHB.

blocks|key|4620362|text|在我的例子中，它将是一个客户机在应用程序中请求一个Web+App功能来“阻止打印屏幕”，这是完全没有意义的，因为为了做到这一点，您必须禁用剪贴板，禁用整个计算机的键，但是不，他们想禁用打印屏幕键客户端(通过javascript)，这使得它变得更加没有意义，而且不管您做什么，只要您不影响整个计算机功能(您不应该这样做)，用户就可以通过聚焦另一个应用程序和使用打印屏幕来绕过它，当焦点集中在另一个窗口上时。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4620363|太荒谬了。|entityMap^0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|E|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|F|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|D|$]]

In my case it would be a client requesting a Web App feature to "block print screen" while on the application, which makes absolutely no sense because in order to do that you have to either disable the clipboard, disable the key for the whole computer, but no, they wanted to disable the print screen key client-side (through javascript), which makes it even more senseless, on top of that no matter what you do as long as you are not affecting the whole computer functionality (which, you shouldn't), the user could work around it by just focusing another application and using print screen when the focus is on that other window.

Ridiculous.

blocks|key|4619253|text|我在一个数字营销网站上工作，在那里我们销售受DRM保护的Windows音频文件；音频书籍。假定供应商在终端用户计算机上部署桌面客户端应用程序，微软推出了一些所有供应商都需要实现的兼容性更新。更新要求应用程序检查客户端机器上的DLL版本，以确保它们是最新的。我的老板实际上是在让我了解我们的网站被允许在他/她的系统文件夹中检查web客户端的DLL文件版本的每一种方式，甚至建议我们编写自己的Windows+Media+Player皮肤。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

I was working on a digital marketing website where we were selling DRM-protected Windows Media audio files; audio books for the most part. Microsoft pushed out some sort of required compliance update for all vendors to implement, assuming the vendors are deploying desktop client applications on end-user machines. The update required the application to check DLL versions on the client's machine to ensure they're up-to-date. My boss was literally drilling me for every conceivable way in which our website was allowed to check a web client's DLL file versions in his/her system folder, even to the point of suggesting we write our own Windows Media Player skin to do so.

blocks|key|4619748|text|有一项任务可以归结为停止的问题。我刚刚完成了递归理论的博士学位。太好笑了！|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4619749|我们接受了(俗气的)近似。|4619750|斯蒂芬恩|entityMap^0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|G|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|H|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|D|3|E|5|6|7|I|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|F|$]]

Got a task that reduced down to the Halting Problem. I had just finished a Ph.D. in Recursion Theory. So funny!

We settled for a (cheesy) approximation.

Stephan

blocks|key|4619778|text|在一家信用局的公司，我被要求更换一个检查欺诈数据库的100k+C代码服务。Java中的异步多线程编程取代了旧的C叉-加入技术.时间范围为400~500+ms，压力作用时间为1-1.5秒.我们设法从数据库的缓存刷新中获得了600毫秒的峰值。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4619779|我的老板要求用100个线程来配置它，因为“你永远不知道”--我做了一些研究和测试，发现20个线程工作得最好。|ordered-list-item|4619780|根据我所写的服务突然出了问题，我的老板让我设置一个硬编码的超时来制造更多的麻烦，所以我们可以保证我不是有问题的程序员。|4619781|我的老板要求我记录每一个操作，以控制所有的过程。没关系我知道。他让我去生产这个版本:千兆字节日志每天。两个月后，我设法将日志更改为调试中的信息，速度提高了30%25。|4619782|我被要求在凌晨3点去看五六个装置。为了替换jar并在启动服务的脚本中更改jar的名称(旧的C应用程序一团糟，他们担心我会做同样的事情)。|4619783|最糟糕的是:我被迫管理了一个由8人组成的团队，其中有5人是外包商。我们中的1人从来没有做过任何事情，外包者做了一个2年后还没有开始生产的网络应用程序。|entityMap^0|0|0|0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|N|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|D|7|O|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|E|3|F|5|D|7|P|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|G|3|H|5|D|7|Q|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|I|3|J|5|D|7|R|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|K|3|L|5|D|7|S|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|M|$]]

At a credit bureau company, I was asked to replace a 100k C code service that checked fraud databases. Asynchronous multithreaded programming in Java replaced old C fork-join thechniques. The time frames were about 400-500 ms and 1-1.5 sec with stress. We managed to get 600 ms with ocassional peaks from databases' cache flushing.

<ol>
<li>My boss asked to configure it with 100 threads because "you never know" -- I did some research and testing and found 20 threads worked best.</li>
<li>The service depending on the one I wrote suddenly had trouble, my boss asked me to put a hardcoded timeout to cause more trouble, so we can assure I was not the faulty programmer.</li>
<li>My boss asked me to log every single operation to have control of all the process. That's ok I know. He asked me to go production with this version: Gigabyte logs every day.
Two monts later I managed to change log to INFO from DEBUG and got 30% faster.</li>
<li>I was asked to go to five or six installations at 3 a.m. to replace the jar and change the name of the jar in the script that launched the service (the old C app was a mess and they were afraid I did the same thing).</li>
<li>The worst: I was forced to manage a team of 8, 5 were outsourcers, at the middle of the project. 1 of us never did anything, the outsources did a web app that 2 years after is not in production yet.</li>
</ol>

blocks|key|4619930|text|我的TL要求我将电话线直接连接到USB+(中间没有调制解调器类型转换器)。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4619931|我试图向他解释这在技术上是不可能的(电话直接连接到USB+)。但他不想听。|4619932|然后，我给他写了一份20页的文件，说明手机是模拟的，而USB是数字的，所以非常需要转换器。然后他完全放弃了这个想法。|entityMap^0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|G|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|H|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|D|3|E|5|6|7|I|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|F|$]]

I was asked by my TL to connect the phone line directly to USB (no MODEM type converter in between).

I tried to explain him that it is not possible technically (the connecting of phone to USB directly). but he didn't want to listen.

Then, I had to write him a 20 page document explaining that phone is analog while USB is digital so a converter is very much required. Then he dropped the idea altogether.

blocks|key|879828|text|客户:当电源丢失时，电子门锁应进入故障保护位置。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|879829|我:是的，当然。只是想澄清一下--故障安全的位置是“解锁的”，对吗？|879830|客户端:你能让它在软件中配置吗?当电源失灵时，门是锁的还是解锁的？|879831|我：(无话可说)。|entityMap^0|0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|I|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|J|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|D|3|E|5|6|7|K|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|F|3|G|5|6|7|L|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|H|$]]

Client: When the power is lost, the electronic door lock should go to the failsafe position.

Me: Yes, of course. Just for clarification -- the failsafe position is "unlocked", right?

Client: Could you make it configurable in software whether the door is locked or unlocked when the power fails?

Me: (speechless).

blocks|key|879914|text|我被要求为处理出租物业的房东创建一个租户黑名单网站。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

I was asked to create a tenant blacklist website for landlords handling rental properties.

blocks|key|4620540|text|那一次迟到了但是..。我曾经是QA团队的一员.比方说，相当大的软件项目，它最终是大型电信基础设施的一部分。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4620541|伟大的想法，就像在真正的大，在几百万人使用它，好，嗯，交流。写，说。短距离和国际化的东西。这也伴随着账单，以确保它真的重要。|4620542|我和这个团队一起工作的原因是技术发布日期临近，他们在质量保证和缺陷识别方面已经很晚了。|4620543|一天早上，我出现在我们的起立会议上，项目经理告诉我们，在昨天与项目主管举行了一次审查会议之后，他们决定不再在Windows+32位服务器上运行该软件(这是两年前决定的)，他们希望它能在HP/UX+64位计算机上运行。|4620544|没有任何理由，除非在当时64位成为所有的速率，所以它必须更好，对吗？而且是完全合理的。现在离技术发射只有两周的时间。很简单。|4620545|我们为这件事付出了巨大的努力(并带着笑声)。|entityMap^0|0|0|0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|M|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|N|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|D|3|E|5|6|7|O|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|F|3|G|5|6|7|P|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|H|3|I|5|6|7|Q|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|J|3|K|5|6|7|R|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|L|$]]

Coming late on that one but... I once worked as part of a QA team for a... let's say fairly big software project, which ultimately is part of a big telecommunications infrastructure.

Think big, as in really big, as in a few million people use it, to, well, communicate. Write, talk. Short distance and international stuff. That comes with billing as well to make sure it really matters.

The reason for me working with this team was that the technical launch date was approaching, and that they were quite late on the QA and defect identification front.

One morning I show up for our stand-up meeting, and the programme manager tells us that after a review meeting with the project's executives yesterday, they've decided that instead of having the software run on Windows 32 bits servers (which was decided like 2 years ago), they wanted it to run on HP/UX 64-bits machines.

No reason except that at the time 64 bits what becoming all the rate, so it must be better right? And totally justified. It was now only 2 weeks before the technical launch. Easy.

We fought this dearly (and with laughter).

blocks|key|4619642|text|我的经理，一位与中国的一家支持公司有联系的副总裁，要求我把我的产品的支持转移到一家外部公司。当我试图向他解释，考虑到我们对客户的合同义务，这是不可能的，他的回应是：“我们当然能做到--我们是在"xxx公司”(他以前的雇主)做的，更别说这两家公司生产不同类别的软件，而且有不同的许可模式。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

I was asked by my manager, a VP with connections to a support company in China, to transfer the support of my products to an external company. When I tried to explain to him that this was not possible given our contractual obligations to our customers, his response was, "Of course we can do it - we did it at "xxx company" (his previous employer) Never mind that the two companies made different classes of software, and had different licensing models.

blocks|key|879699|text|建立网站..。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|879700|没有版本控制|unordered-list-item|879701|在生产服务器上创建它们|879702|使用FTP直接对生产服务器进行更改|879703|在没有最终的特性或设计概念的情况下开始编程|entityMap^0|0|0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|L|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|D|7|M|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|E|3|F|5|D|7|N|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|G|3|H|5|D|7|O|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|I|3|J|5|D|7|P|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|K|$]]

Make websites...

<ul>
<li>without version control</li>
<li>create them on the production server</li>
<li>make changes using FTP direct to the production server</li>
<li>start programming with no finalised idea of features or design</li>
</ul>

blocks|key|4619381|text|1)在ERP系统中使用对象数据库|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4619382|2)在ERP系统中使用EVA数据库|4619383|3)疯狂:构建一个基于可视化的业务规则系统(一个la+Outlook规则)，将其交给我们的用户(没有测试工具来测试规则)，并“将其抛到墙上”。因此，我们不需要为用户编写程序，我们只需要为用户编写一种愚蠢的编程语言，让他们编写自己的应用程序。|entityMap^0|0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|G|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|H|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|D|3|E|5|6|7|I|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|F|$]]

1) Use an Object Database in an ERP system

2) Use an EVA Database in an ERP system

3) Craziest: Build a visual-based business rules system (a la Outlook Rules) to hand to our users (without a test harness to test the rules) and "throw it over the wall" at them. So instead of us writing programs for our users, we could just write a dumbed-down programming language for them and let them write their own apps.

blocks|key|4619556|text|问：“在这里看到这个词，我怎么知道在这之前我应该写'a‘或'an'?”如果下一个单词以元音Q开头：“什么是元音？”|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

Q: "See this word here, how do I know if before that I should write 'a' or 'an'?"
A: Use "an" if the next word starts with a vowel
Q: "What's a vowel?"

blocks|key|879312|text|为自动化过程制作用户手册。用户手册基本上是说“双击foo.exe并等待完成”|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

To make a user manual for an automated process. 
The user manual basically say "Double click foo.exe and wait until it's done"

blocks|key|4620577|text|我必须创建一个TCP服务器并将其集成到一个Microsoft应用程序中。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4620578|它工作得不错，但它可能是我写过的最疯狂的软件。|entityMap^0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|E|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|F|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|D|$]]

I had to create and integrate a TCP Server into a Microsoft Access VBA Application.

It works kinda well, but it's probably the most insane piece of software I have ever written.

blocks|key|4619513|text|有一次，一位经理要求我在一个数据库中做一个“半强制性”字段。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|4619514|就在最近，我被要求开发一个网页应用程序，我以前不知道，基于JPEG的一些模拟的网站应该是什么样子，这是由一个设计机构在另一个国家，谁通常做印刷设计，不知道网页。|entityMap^0|0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|E|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]|$1|B|3|C|5|6|7|F|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|D|$]]

I was once asked to make a field in a database "semi-compulsory" by a manager.

Just recently I was asked to develop a web application I had no prior knowledge of based on some JPEG mocks of what the website should look like that had been created by a design agency in another country who normally do print designs and have no idea about the web.

blocks|key|4619966|text|我们作为一个Scrum团队工作，并在故事点中对用户故事进行估计。当我看到我今年下半年的目标是一个要求，我们的故事点必须在%2B/-+10+%25的实际开发时间花在这个故事上。对于那些涉及敏捷的人，你知道故事点是不统一的，并且是基于斐波纳契数列的。我还没有弄清楚如何使估计值与实际情况相匹配，以使每个人都能对球队提出这样的要求。|type|unstyled|depth|inlineStyleRanges|entityRanges|data|entityMap^0^^$0|@$1|2|3|4|5|6|7|C|8|@]|9|@]|A|$]]]|B|$]]

We work as a Scrum team and do our estimates for user stories in story points. When I looked at my second half goals for this year is was a requirement the the our story points must be within +/- 10 percent of the actual development hours spent on the story. For those involved in Agile you know story points are unitless and are based on a Fibonacci number sequence. I have yet to figure out how to make estimate match the actual how anyone could put such a requirement on the team.

See title, but I am asking from a technical perspective, not 

<blockquote>
 Take my 40 year old virgin niece on a date or you're fired.
</blockquote>

What is the (craziest, stupidest, silliest) thing a client/boss asked you to do?

翻译质量差，导致语言生硬或混乱。

没有提供实际的解决方法或示例。

解答不清晰，无法理解或解决问题。

页面排版不美观，阅读体验差。

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请看标题，但我是从技术角度来问，而不是带我40岁的处女侄女去约会不然你就被解雇了。

问客户/老板让你做的事情(最疯狂，最愚蠢，最愚蠢)是什么？
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